A Monday in August.

 Back from the weekend. Insanely hot here still, it was 108f on Sunday and temperatures over 100f are still in the 14 day forecast. I don't think this summer will ever end. The nearby lake is now at a record low. It hasn't rained in over 50 days. I've lost so many plants in my yard to the drought and heat, my garden will need so much work once the weather changes. I'm just dreaming of my trip to Alaska. 

Workouts went well, this mornings was my best in several days. Saturday I struggled with my breathing workout so I skipped it on Sunday. Today it went very well though. Stair stepper was good, I did a few less yesterday (125/250) as I was a bit tired from mowing the lawn. I did do 150/300 on Saturday and today. Today's went really well. I easily hit 150/300. 

I watched a couple of "Everest" movies on Saturday. The first was filmed in 2020 and was about a group of scientist placing weather stations at different altitudes from Base camp up to just below the peak of Everest. It was quite interesting. The group also included a couple of climate change scientist that took ice cores from near the summit and another took lakebed cores from a lake near Everest ( maybe Goyko). Results from that weren't promising as the oldest ice at the surface of the sample was 2000 years old. That means that all the ice from the past 2000 years has melted away. The lakebed samples showed that pollens are increasing in the newer layers as trees and different plant life move up the mountain due to warming temperatures. Climate change is impacting the Himalayan region and could have catastrophic impacts to the future of Asia. 

One thing I did enjoy while watching this movie was the views of Everest itself. I realized how much I want to stand there and gaze upon her with my own eyes. So inspirational! The drive to do this trek to have this accomplishment before I get too old is what keeps me going day to day. It is why I get up earlier and earlier to complete my workout. It has me planning on climbing some smaller - hikable mountain summits. It inspires me to be a better, more spiritual person. Nothing touches your soul like the magnificence of nature.

Preparing the Mind

 No new milestones on this mornings workout. Allergies are bad and it is impacting my breathing when doing my Wim Hoff routine. I got through it, but just barely. I am noticing that I am getting stronger on the stair stepper. It's a good feeling!

While I work out my body to get it in shape for the EBC trek I am also looking at the mental prep that will help this be a successful endeavor. I have read a few blogs authored by people that struggled with the challenges of the weather and altitude. It amazes me that people go on this trek totally unprepared. They assume because they are in good physical shape that this will be enough. I also get a sense that quite a few people don't even do any research about what this trek will be like physically, emotionally, monetarily, and time wise. Just some of the questions that get asked on the EBC trekking group on Social Media reflects that. It is the research that I have done that makes me face the reality that this will be a very difficult trip. It is also that which causes me to have doubts about my ability to do it. But it is with this research that I can see what I need to do to get  both mentally and physically prepared. I am borrowing this list from Trekking Planner that they use to prepare mentally; 

   Set realistic expectations.                                                                                                                             Train your body and mind.                                                                                                                          Practice mindfulness and meditation.                                                                                                          Stay positive and motivated.                                                                                                                         Focus on the present moment.                                                                                                                     Prepare for altitude.                                                                                                                                      Seek support from the experienced.          

I was also reading that while trekking don't focus on the destination. set realistic targets. Look ahead on the trail and pick something to reach, something within sight. When you get there take a break. Then move on ahead. Break the trip up into segments and then even smaller segments.   Don't start off focusing only on reaching Base Camp. 

I am going to take this advice and apply it to my Alaska trip and my hike up Mount Healy. It will be good practice. 

                                                                                             

Focus on the Goal

 I think my muse has returned... we shall see how this post goes. Yoga was great this morning, breathing exercises were a bit tough and I'm not sure why. I really struggled on the breath holds. 125/250 on the stepper again. I'm still pushing it a bit but I get closer each day to easily getting there before my legs start to get the wobbles. Once I can get tp 125/250 easily then I'll push to 150/300. I'll be halfway to my goal of 300/600 then and I feel like I am ahead of schedule on this. I might make it by the New Year! 

So a few weeks ago I was stressing over what I would do and where I would volunteer in Nepal when I go. I would find something that I thought I would love only to find out it was no longer available. I really got discouraged and a bit down. So I stepped back from it and quit worrying about it and just let the thoughts come as they might and realize there is no point stressing over it this far in advance. So with a more relaxed attitude and in focusing on my mindfulness I realized that where and what I want to do isn't as important as going where and doing something that has a greater need. That could be teaching English, working with disadvantaged women or special needs children. Would I love to teach in a Himalayan monastery - oh yes, but so do quite a few others. There also are not that many of them accepting volunteers. But the point of volunteering is to help where it is needed the most. So that is my focus going forward. 

😀😓😀😓

 125/250  again today😀😀😀 I'm working that stair stepper!

Big dog joined me in yoga today. I need to keep my phone handy and maybe get a picture of him.

It was 68f outside this morning early. I had my coffee on the deck. Unfortunately it is up to 97f this afternoon with several hours yet for it to get warmer.  

One day closer to Alaska!

Long range forecast for Denali Alaska - highs 60, lows mid-40's rain for the next fourteen days. Fingers crossed the forecast improves - I love those temperatures but the rain... maybe not too much.

Off topic but I secured tickets to see the Broadway touring performance of Book of Mormon in Austin later this year. I got four tickets and I am taking my three daughters. I'm super excited to get to plan something with the three of them.  

Well as you can see my muse took the day off. We can hope she returns tomorrow. 

Later...

A Good Day

Today has been a good day. I think it started last night as I was reading The Teachings of the Buddha and the chapter I read just clicked and made sense. I slept pretty well too. I woke up a bit too early this morning, but it worked out for the best. My workout went amazingly well, 125/250 on the stair stepper easily done. Wim Hoff was a breeze and I really enjoyed my yoga as I was feeling a bit achy when I got up and I felt great afterwards. The morning was a few degrees cooler than it has been, so I sat out on the deck and enjoyed my coffee. I wasn't rushing around as I was up 2 hours before I needed to leave for work so I assumed I had plenty of time... well I assumed wrong and as I was making my lunch I noticed the national news was already on so I looked at the clock and I had eight minutes until I had to get out the door. I was still in my robe!! Well I had to hustle and I made it out on time and arrived at work at 7:59 am.  I have no idea how two hours could pass by so quickly in the morning at home when they same two hours at work feels twice as long. 

I did have a odd dream last night (I think stressing over the upcoming Alaska trip influenced this one) I dreamt I was leaving on a trip but it was with a guide and several other people. I arrived to meet the guide on the way to the airport and realized I had forgotten to put my luggage in the car. Well a bit of a panic but I knew I had to return home to get it and then try to get myself to the airport on my own instead of with the group. The main obstacle was that the round trip drive to my house would take several hours and it was nearly impossible to do before the plane was scheduled to leave. I was just hoping the flight would be delayed. I woke up as I was driving home, so I do not know if I made it back in time for the flight. 

Someone in the EBC group posted this poem today and I wanted to share it on here. I wanted to have it to look back on as I have difficult days. I hope they aren't many and I have more like today.  

 If the mountain seems too big today

then climb a hill instead;

If morning brings you sadness

it’s okay to stay in bed.

If the day ahead feels heavy and your plans feel like a curse,

There’s no shame in rearranging,

don’t make yourself feel worse.

If a shower stings like needles

and a bath feels like you’ll drown;

If you haven’t washed your hair for days,

don’t throw away your crown!

A day is not a lifetime.

A rest is not defeat.

Don’t think of it as failure,

Just a quiet, kind retreat.

It’s okay to take a moment

From an anxious, fractured mind.

The world will not stop turning

While you get realigned!

The mountain will still be there

When you want to try again

You can climb it in your own time,

Just love yourself till then!

-Laura Ding-Edwards

What if.... life is good.

 New week, no new goals though. I'm holding steady at 100/200 Steps on the stair stepper until it gets a bit easier. It's still quite the push physically to get to that number. It was a bit easier this morning, but I still feel it may be a few more weeks before I push to 125/250.  I'm still sticking with the same yoga routine as I really enjoy it. The length is perfect for early mornings and it stretches out all my muscles. I have recently though had to motivate myself a bit more to do the Wim Hoff breathing routine. I'm not sure why I just struggle to get started. I do find though that once I get going with it, I do enjoy it and am proud of myself for completing it. I also have noticed a big improvement in my breathing and lung capacity so I know that it is beneficial to keep it up. 

My Alaska trip is creeping closer. I'm getting excited and stressed at the same time. I think I have everything I will need on my packing list. My latest concern is something happening that will interrupt my travel plans. I know I shouldn't worry about "what ifs" . I need to remember that success is the most likely "what if". I will have a great trip, a successful trip, and will get to see and do everything I set out to do and will not get sick or injured! Oh and the weather will be perfect!!!

What if life really is wonderful. 

Kindness

 The weekend is closing in. I would love to be excited, but it will be well over 100f out for the next ten days at least. So the only time I will venture out will be to go to the grocery store and to move the water sprinkler (while we are still allowed to do so).  This morning I was online on the All Trials  Ap. I was looking at what their breakdown was of the trails I am looking at hiking in Denali. They had the current weather conditions posted - partly cloudy and 46f. It was in the 80's at my house this morning at 6 am. The afternoon highs are forty degrees cooler than the highs here.  I cannot wait! 

So last evening on a EBC  FB group a lady posted asking about the Weather in October on the hike. One of the first replies was:

 "Depends where you're from Seriously, if you're planning an expedition, is this how you normally research your trip?

I felt that was a bit uncalled for and rude, so I called him out on it: 

" if you cant help with an answer, then why bother with a snarky comment. Shouldn't we all just be kind and help each other out."

Well it went on with quite a few more posts, most in support of my opinion including 27 likes for my reply. Here is just a sample (names removed to protect the posters). 

 whilst I agree with your sentiment that people need to be prepared, I don't think you can have a go at someone who is trying to be prepared. It's one thing to look at the average temperatures etc but it's always helpful getting first hand experiences. Wind your ego in.

also it is actually not very Easy to Google your way to the right answer. Because different sites state different things. People who have actually been there, might have a more hands on experience, so I really do not see this as being an invalid question.

Then you could also have a go at all those who are asking about boots and clothes.

A community like this is to share experiences - not to bring people down:-)

I just don't understand why people feel the need to comment when they can't provide the answer to someone's query. Why did he feel the need to make them feel small? The whole point of this EBC group is to share information and help answer peoples questions. It really bothered me that someone would be so rude. I have posed questions in the past on that forum and found everyone very helpful and honest. I would hate to think that if I went on there and was treated rudely or even bullied how that would make me feel. I'd probably end up leaving the group and try to find a different one. I am glad that so many people came to support the original poster of the question and let the rude man know that his comments were not acceptable. I think there may have been two other commenters that supported him but with a bit more explanation. 

Can't we all just be kind?

Confidence

 115/230 steps this morning. It felt good especially since I didn't get a good nights sleep and was awakened by my alarm at 5:30. I rarely ever sleep up to my alarm and this makes two days in a row that I did. But both of the past two nights I lay awake/read for quite awhile during the night. I love that I can sit in bed and read during the night if I am unable to sleep. It is one of my joys of being single and not sharing a bedroom space with another person. I have been single for four years now and I love it more each year. Living life independently gives me so much more freedom to chase my dreams. I also dream bigger and set goals that I know I can reach. I have also found a greater financial freedom by being single. It allows me to travel to destinations I never would have even let myself dream of visiting. 

I have traveled solo in the past, I took a few trips on my own, no husband or kids. I took a few with maybe just one of the kids or the whole gang. My upcoming trip to Alaska I was prepared to go on it solo when my friend pulled out of going. My daughter immediately declared that she really wanted to go so could she come instead. So it will be her and I. We have traveled together just the two of us before and really enjoyed the time together. We have a close relationship /friendship which I really value as she is my adopted (pre-teen at the time) daughter. Our closeness seems to be a rarity in the world of adoptees. 

I know when (if) I get to go to Nepal I will be going solo. It will be too long of a trip for her or any of my other kids to accompany me. I think I really want to do this alone anyway. I find that when traveling solo the trips can be more spiritual in nature as you are alone with your thoughts and keeping to your own timeline which opens up the world. I travelled solo in Northern Ireland 26 years ago. I rented a car, with only a few destinations in mind and no timeline or reservations. I discovered a lot about myself on that trip. I found courage that I did not know I possessed. I took in sights that healed my soul. I discovered a strength in independence that I was more than somebodies wife or mother. I felt strong. I felt confident. 

I like that feeling. 

Breaks

 This morning I slept up to my alarm going off, which meant that I would not have time to do my morning workout. No guilt here as I had planned when I started this journey that I would take Wednesdays off. I am usually awake well before the alarm though, so I get up and complete my routine. This is the second week in a row I slept in a bit on Wednesday. I need the sleep more than the workout as I rarely ever get a good nights sleep. The only reason I slept in this morning was I lay awake from 4 am to around 5 am. I may do a light workout this evening, it will just depend on how tired I am. I usually don't exercise before bed, I have dome some yoga in the past but I really prefer taking time to read for a bit before I fall asleep. I just prefer to read no matter what. 

This week I am reading "Homestead" by Melinda Moustakis. It is set in 1950's Alaska and follows the story of newlyweds that are homesteading in the wilderness. It is very timely to be reading it with my upcoming trip to Alaska. The book is beautifully written, almost poetic in its prose. A real joy to read.

Yesterday, I finally got excited about the  Alaska trip. I did a bit of research into where to hike in Denali in the limited time we will have there. We are taking the Tundra Wilderness tour on the one full day we have, We won't know the scheduled departure time though until 48 hours prior. I really hope it is early morning so we will have the afternoon to hike. Our arrival day gives us quite a bit of time to hike too, as we arrive on the train at 12:30 pm, I hope that the hotel will collect our luggage and we can remain in the park until evening. I'd prefer not to head over to the hotel until after 7 pm just to allow time for check-in, dinner and an early bed. If the skies are clear I will set an alarm to get up during the night to hopefully get a glance of the Northern lights. Fingers crossed that the Aurora will be active and the skies clear. 

So I have picked out three possible hikes at Denali that are on designated trails. 

Mount Healy Trail

• Distance (one-way): 2.7 miles
• Duration (one-way): Around 2 hours (uphill; likely less on the return)
• Elevation change: 1,700 feet gain.

Savage River Loop

• Distance (round-trip): 1.7 miles
• Duration (round-trip): ~ 1 hour
• Elevation change: Negligible. The trail rises and falls a bit, but there are no major uphill sections.

And lastly the McKinley Station Trail a moderate walk of 1.6 miles one way with a slight elevation gain of 100 feet and a 8.5% grade.

I am excited! I think the Mount Healy trail will be top of the list to do and the Savage River Loop. The McKinley Station trail will be only if we have time.

I will be taking lots of pictures as I got a new camera a few months ago for this trip. I'll be looking forward to sharing them on here. 

Taking the Challenge

 Another day, pretty much the same as most of the others. I did awaken this morning a bit more refreshed and more optimistic. I enjoyed my workout. My breathing is getting stronger and I can often hold my breath beyond the 90 seconds that is timed on the final Wim Hoff series. When I started I struggled to hold my breath for 60 seconds. I am keeping my stair step goal at 100, but will go beyond if I am able. On Sunday I did 150, yesterday 101 and today 104. I thought this morning I had gone well over that, but it just had felt like I did. 

I watched a short video this morning on Facebook that someone had filmed while crossing the Hillary suspension bridge on the trek up to Namche Bazaar (EBC trek) Just seeing the beauty of the area really inspired me again to be there. I could just picture myself walking across that bridge. I'm glad I can picture that as I'm usually quite intimidated by man made heights. It is so beautiful though so I know I will be more inspired than scared. I have walked across riskier bridges than it - though not as high up. I can easily accept my own challenges that I set before myself. I don't back down easily. It is the whole challenge of just getting to Nepal that motivates me to work  out, plan hiking trips and keep pushing myself to get in the best physical shape I have been in for years. Yesterday I was looking at a few of the 14,000 peak hikes in Colorado. I do think a few of them are doable for me and would be great training for EBC. Mount Bierstadt is a 14,065 foot peak about an hours drive from Denver, and is one of the more accessible and doable peaks.

Mount Bierstadt, Colorado

Hillary Suspension Bridge - EBC Trek

Carrick-a-Rede Rope Bridge Northern Ireland.

I have crossed it a few times - Crazy when windy 

as the bridge will blow almost sideways. 

Mental Challenges

 Mental health  is a very serious topic. Depression has affected not only myself but many members of my family. My late ex-husband also struggled with symptoms of being bi-polar, but he refused to seek help and that was what led to our divorce. I try to make an effort to look after myself both mentally and physically. I have been challenged during my life with many difficult times. There were days where the world felt so cruel. It was hard to face each day. The loss of my son just days before his 21st birthday was an especially difficult time that took many months to work my way through. I never lost hope though that I would be better given enough time. I did get better and when I think of him now I remember the joy he brought to my life and not the pain of losing him.  My marriage crumbling because of my husbands actions caused by his mental illness nearly broke me. I did find the  strength to get through that, but it also brought a lot of anger. I then had to face his death just two and a half years later. I was left with questions and the distress of not having received the closure I had needed from him. It has taken about fourteen months, but I feel I have finally let it go. My study of Buddhism has helped immensely with this process. 

As I have grown older I have thought about my own mortality. I have grown quite comfortable that my time in this life has a limited number of days. I do not know how long I have, It could be tomorrow or it could be thirty years from now. Over the past several years I was prepared to die. I felt I had lived the life I was meant to and while my accomplishments would never place me in the history books I was pleased at what I had done. I was fine if death came knocking. But then I became consumed with traveling to Nepal. I thought of nothing but seeing Mount Everest and making it to the Everest Base camp. I began training. I began researching not just the EBC trek but I other places I could go closer to home to train for it. I had ignited a desire in myself to live. I was so excited to have this goal... this dream. I wasn't okay with dying, at least not before I could complete this trek. But this past weekend for the first time in months I felt that fire lessen a bit. I felt that I was okay with deaths calling if he so chose that the time was nigh. I felt sad. I wondered how can I maintain the motivation to train for three more years if these feelings are reappearing after only three months. 

I can't pinpoint the change in my mental state. Is it the unrelenting heat, 106f for several days now with no break in the 10 day forecast? Is it the sleepless nights wearing me down?  Most likely a combination of the two. It could be that I alone am doing this. I do not share this blog or goal with others except my kids. I feel it is too soon to do so as so much can change. 

I am not suicidal. I don't feel hopeless. I just often feel I have lived my life, achieved my goals and wonder what is left for me to do. I do not want to sit around. I do not want to get in a long term relationship. My time  to be able to travel is limited due to the demands of work and finances ( also the weather tight now). I do miss being truly happy. I miss that giddiness when one is happy through to their core. It is not something I have ever felt often, but just enough to know what it feels like and how euphoric it is. I wonder if I will ever feel that happy again. It has been rare in my life to feel that level of joy. So joyful that you just can't stop smiling. It has been several years since I felt like that. Am I happy? I suppose I am in general. But I also feel something disheartening and I just don't have the energy to figure it out. I hate this. I won't give up though.  I've Alaska coming up soon and hopefully cooler Autumn weather will be just around the corner after I return home. I'll get my grove back. Just give me some time. 

I've got a goal to accomplish.  A fire to ignite.

Plans

 I let myself sleep in  a bit later this morning and only did my yoga workout and skipped the Wim Hoff and stair stepper. I will admit it was nice to take a break from the entire routine. I really enjoy starting my day doing yoga as it awakens the body and the mind. I am still doing the same CristaYoga routine as I haven't found another I enjoy as much as this one. I guess as long as I enjoy this why change, well I might benefit from some different poses, but I'll master these first. 

So another week and weekend of 104f+ temperatures forecast. We are now under stage 2 water restrictions with limited days and hours to water outside. Car washes are restricted too. I've never seen the lakes as low as they currently are. It will take several rainy years for them to recover. But anyway it will be another weekend hibernating in the house. I am really looking forward to going to Alaska. It was 48f there yesterday morning in Denali. I can't wait!

I tend to plan way in advance for trips. I research online for months leaving no stone unturned. I like to be 100% sure of something before I commit. I may be three years away from traveling to Nepal, but by the time I go I will be completely prepared and educated about the location, the people, the culture and what I want to see and do. If you've read my other posts this week you know I am hitting a few dead ends on the areas I would like to volunteer. I am trying to expand my options, but will continue to look at the Everest region. I also had originally considered using a Trekking company with an organized trip to EBC. The prices are very good and everything would be organized from start to finish. The only problem with them is it is a set route and schedule. I worry that I may want to go a bit slower than the group or if I am feeling ambitious I might ant to add on Goyko Ri. If I choose to go this route I will hire an independent guide and porter for the trek. I will most likely do this if I am volunteering in the region. I wouldn't save much in cost doing this as I would be paying the total cost of guide and porter instead of splitting it with a group. Just one more thing to think about. 

Well the weekend is nearly here. I wonder what plans I should make? 

Strength

 I am currently reading two books, a fiction, Booker Prize short list "The Seven Moons Maali Almeida" by Shehan Karunatilaka. I do recommend this one, but it can be difficult to locate as the author is Sri Lankan. The other is "The Heart of the Buddha's Teaching - Transforming Suffering into Peace" by Thich Nhat Han, a Vietnamese monk, poet and author. This is the third book of his that I have read and I feel it is the best of the three. It is already impacting how I think about so many things in my life. The teachings are in line with what I believe, and how I want to live my life. I feel that this direction will also help me mentally prepare to volunteer and trek in Nepal. 

One of the things that experienced trekkers will tell you that they learned doing the EBC trail is you can prepare physically, but you also need to prepare mentally. By preparing mentally you will be able to better cope with the harsh conditions that you may be faced with. I know many people are not used to the primitive (by USA standards) in many of the tea houses. You have to be prepared to deal with illness whether it be intestinal or altitude, a lack of heat in extremely cold conditions, shared toilet facilities often with squat toilets. Most trekkers will go over a week without a shower due to the lack of heat in the tea houses or lack of hot water. 

I have been in areas where modern conveniences are lacking or are primitive. It really did not bother me. It is just a matter of being educated and informed to knowing the hygiene procedures to protect yourself. Water purification is a must. Hand sanitizer , wet wipes, and a stash of antibiotics, anti-diarrhea meds, and pain-killers are must pack items. There are a few altitude sickness preventatives on the market but I cannot take any but the natural ones.  The recommended vaccine list is a bit longer than I'd like. They even recommend getting a Rabies vaccine, I will have to seriously consider that depending on where I volunteer.   It is a lot to think about . Mental strength as well as physical strength are the ingredients for success. 

 

Better

 A better day. A better nights sleep. A better workout this morning. So I've a better outlook on life. 

I am still searching for volunteer opportunities in the Everest region. Each time I think I have found something on a new/different website I discover it links back into one group in Nepal, the one that originally listed the monastery  near Lukla, but no longer offers positions there. It is discouraging that they operate under several NGOs. I have time to look and discover though so maybe with a bit of patience I will find the perfect place to go. 

I had been hoping to go camping over the Christmas break at Colorado Bend State Park, reservations open 6 months in advance for campsites. So last week on July 27th I hopped on the reservation website to get a site and there was nothing available. I haven't looked at any alternative parks yet. I know that one is very popular. I'm thinking I might just have to do a day trip there to go hiking. instead. The lack of availability for campsites frustrates me as it makes traveling to go hiking more difficult or expensive or at its worst just not possible due to the remote locations. I run into this at Big Bend constantly during the camping season ( May through September is dangerously hot). I got lucky three years ago when I got a campsite at Jenny Lake in Grand Tetons. But I was online ready to click the moment the reservations opened for that date. I also tried to get reservations for Arches National Park but was unsuccessful so I stayed in a private campground in nearby Moab. I'm thinking I'll probably do the same when I go to Big Bend as there are several small private campsites in nearby Terlingua. I'll just spend a lot more time driving around than if I were to stay in the park. I get tempted to buy a small camper to travel around in. But it is this lack of available campsites in the National and State parks that puts that thought right out of my head. The private RV parks do not appeal to me at all. Crowed noisy and expensive - why would anyone want to spend time at one? 

Nepal is looking pretty good right now. 

Here or There

 I am back to thinking I am maybe dreaming too big a dream. Can I really go to Nepal for two months? Can I teach or do volunteer work? Can I do the EBC trek? Do I really want too? Am I stepping too far out of my comfort zone? Should I just instead travel around the USA? 

I know I can accomplish all the above, but it will be a lot of work to get there. Will it be worth it? My mind keeps swinging back and forth on a daily basis. Maybe I just need to get away, get out of the house, get out of Texas and away from this scorching heat. Maybe a bit of adventure will inspire me to get excited once again. Even now feeling doubtful about this trip, when I think of standing at the base of Mount Everest I feel the calling to go there. To accomplish such a huge goal for myself would give my life greater meaning. Do I need that though? Is it just my ego? vanity? self indulgence? What is driving me to attempt this? Do I stay here or do I go there?

I think I know I will regret it if I do not attempt this. I don't want to grow old gracefully. I want to fill my remaining years seeking adventure, experiencing new cultures, people and living life. 

The local TV station was conducting a poll today on at what age do you think a person is old... my answer was - ten years older than whatever age I am.