The life I'd thought I'd live...

 Life has been strange lately. Friends and co-workers retiring, people my age passing away. My boss at work has had marital issues for several years and is now facing the realization that her marriage is over and that the life she thought she would have is not the life she will have. I think that is probably the most difficult aspect of a divorce. I have been down that road twice. 

Earlier this week I just had the oddest feeling wash over me. I was at home just doing a few minor chores when I felt like I was living someone else's life. I felt like I just didn't belong where I was. It was strange as I have lived in my house for over twenty years. I love my house, it is my home, my comfort and shelter from the world. I have been divorced for over four years and have been happy for most of that time. When I was facing the divorce I did struggle with the knowledge that the life I thought I would live with him until one of us was in the grave was not the life I would live. I would have to work more years than I had planned. I would be solely responsible for my life, finances and life plans. Just a few years after we divorced he died suddenly and then I was also now the only parent of my two youngest. they were fortunately adults, but they have always confided and sought advice from us. My life was so different from what I had envisioned.  

So why did I feel like a stranger in my own body? 

Prior to year ago I had never considered going to Peru or Nepal. I never went on hikes over a mile or two and never went hiking alone. My only goal was to get to retirement, maybe travel a bit (had always planned on seeing more of Europe) and then spend time with those dreamed of future grandkids. My goals are completely different now. I have stepped outside the box and my own comfort zone. I regularly challenge myself to see what I can accomplish and also do to inspire others. I have become independent. I have become stronger. I have become happier. 

Maybe this isn't the life I thought I'd live, but is the one I am meant to live.